Charlie and the Chocolate Factory bites my left tit.I don't care if Don liked it. Seriously. Way to pervert my childhood memories. Crass commercial exploitation, characters invented to give other characters more background... I could spew. Johnny Depp makes Gene Wilder look like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction for Christ's sake. (Completely off topic but FYI the expression is "for Christ's sake". Not "for Christ sakes". Retards.) America is just choc full o' the most retarded film audiences on the globe. They are incapabale of enjoying anything that doesn't involve a complete backstory for every character and a plot no more complicated than an R. L. Stine book. Fuck you. Even Saw would've been a decent film if they didn't create some sort of grandiose explanation for it all. What's wrong with senseless killing? From now on I'm only paying $8 to get in if it's a feature-length film about senseless killing... or has subtitles. I'm moving to Canada or something and making movies for people who can sit in a room for two hours without having to gorge themselves on buckets of popcorn bigger than my size 12 ass. Obesity problem? I have an idea: STOP SHOVELLING CRAP INTO YOUR MOUTH. If you are sitting behind me starting up on round two of that xxxtra large tub of popcorn with what are surely unlimited refills, I can actually hear you getting fatter. And stop applauding at the end of movies. The only time that is appropriate is at a premier when the filmmakers are present.

And in other entertainment news, I know what happens in that new Harry Potter book. I didn't even read it. I googled it. BEFORE THE BOOK WAS SOLD. The level of security used to prevent the premature distribution of childrens fucking literature is asinine.

Also, does anyone else think Dave Navarro looks like an overweight Prince?

Clearly I am cranky and in need of sleep. Avoid the midwest and play it cool, cats.